A meeting of the Royal College of Psychiatrists concluded that anyone actively keeping abreast of the troubled actress is mentally ill, dubbing the condition Lindsay Syndrome or Lindrome for short.
They noted 313 cases where fans of trivia about the actress – who is soon to play Liz Taylor in a biopic – wandered into traffic or stepped off buildings in a strangely calm, trance-like state.
Psychiatrist Julian Cook said: “An interest in Lindsay Lohan was previously seen as a harmless means of vicariously sharing in the ups and downs of her life.
“But over time it creates a sense that the world is a place of such frightening emptiness that sufferers decide to jump off a building just to feel something.”
Dr Cook believes the downturn in Ms Lohan’s film career compounds the health risks.
He said: “Mean Girls was a sassy comedy with a brain and a great supporting cast including Tina Fey. However I know of a case in which a Lindsay Lohan fan watched Herbie: Fully Loaded three times in a row and suffered a fatal brain aneurysm.
“Ms Lohan’s drink and drug problems once had a certain voyeuristic entertainment value, but now her vapid and entirely predictable Hollywood lifestyle is likely to cause the belief that life is without meaning or consequence. ”
Lindsay Lohan fans reacted angrily, claiming their lives were not fucked beyond repair.
Unemployed abattoir worker Wayne Hayes said: “I love Lindsay Lohan and chatting about her exploited talent with my dead cat who I keep in the bath in an advanced state of decomposition.”
Psychiatrists now hope to identify the brain disorder that causes fascination with Imogen Thomas.