Levi Johnston Is Broke, You Guys
Break out the generic,
supermarket-brand tissues, people, cuz Levi Johnston, famous
knocker-upper of professional abstinence hypocrite Bristol Palin, is
flat broke.
The Thrilla from Wasilla managed to blow through the $1 million from his 2010 Playgirl shoot on "guns, boats and four-wheelers," according to US Weekly,
which also reported that Levi hasn't paid child support in two years.
For the rec, Levi, the proper answer to how you blew $1 million is
"90% of it I spent on booze and whores, and the rest of it I just kind of wasted."
Since planting a seed in the fertile Palin soil, Johnston
has gone on to have an uh-oh with another woman (you know what would
solve this? Some sort of vibrating pendant reminding everybody about birth control), in addition to hiring Tank Jones,
a personal bodyguard/image consultant, who reported having to tamp down
on Levi's frequent homophobic outbursts. Jones and Johnston have since
parted ways, miraculously with neither of them pregnant.
Anyhoo, our anti-gay baby rifle is now living with his mother in Wasilla, and—and this is pure speculation on my part—pouring Goldschlager
in his cereal. Bristol, meanwhile, has a burgeoning career being
cynical even for a reality TV star. How's three-year-old Tripp? None of
the articles (1) I read on Levi's brokeness bothered to find out, which
says about as much about the family values of Wasilla, AK, as you need
to know. Won't someone please think of the children?
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