So, Flaneur stumbled on this gem today. A Mr. Thom Gordon, "interested citizen" was driving down A1A in Florida when it all became crystal clear.
Barack Obama is gay.
"Barack H. Obama is a convert, not just to Christianity, but to heterosexuality. His running for president, put him in the position of having to hide a huge personal secret. His history is locked away out of view until 2026, I believe."